she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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