At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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