So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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