i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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