i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the day after is always just damage control
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
