Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
