Whoa Z and x make the same sound
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
