Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
