I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
