Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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