Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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