Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
