Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
