Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
