New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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