I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
