get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
