Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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