She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
