Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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