i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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