Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
