Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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