You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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