omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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