Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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