i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
