jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
