I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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