He told me they were just razor bumps!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
