I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
