We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield