i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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