the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
