What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
