Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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