Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
