just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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