Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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