I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
