I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
