I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
