i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
