Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
