i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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