We're like a lot better than the average bears
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
