"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
