were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This baby is an asshole
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
