ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
