i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
