you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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