I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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