You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
