Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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