I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
