I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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