what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
