I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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