it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
