I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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