There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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