Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
