Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
