I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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