Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
