I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
