she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
