I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
