That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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