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nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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