life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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