So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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