I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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