my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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