Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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