Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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