dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
