WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
