fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
