I faked an abortion last night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
