you guys were way drunker than both of me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
