You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
