Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
